Most Glorious Supreme Leader,
By your order, I was dispatched to reconnoiter Planet 634-Gλ-3 (known as Earth to the native sentients, Humans) for future invasion. Here is my report with images of key aspects.
I arrived on 634-Gλ-3 by way of Interstellar Matter Transporter. I materialized in a small room with strange furniture.
I left the room and joined a gathering of Humans. I’m happy to report my disguise was flawless and none suspected I wasn’t one of them.
I wandered around, getting a feel for having only two legs, and took images of Humans as they engaged in their every day activities.
After some thought, I decided I must have arrived at some sort of toy convention or something. (Given our reports of the laziness of Humans, it was natural to come to that conclusion.) What I learned of Humans from their toys was rather disturbing. First off, there were a few male dolls.
However, the vast majority of them seemed to be buxom, scantily clad females.
The first hint that not all was right, was when I noticed that amongst these toys, there were also weapon. Most were primitive, but some were unknown to me.
Our information was that Humans had only recently began exploring space and their vehicles were extremely primitive. Why then do they have models for advanced spaceships?
It was while looking for more weapons and ships, I came across something that turned my glexnar.
How could these Humans know about JK-X7s? (I do not know the meaning of “Gort.”) As I spread my search, I came across more that remains unexplained. First off, how do Humans know about these vermin of the galaxy, but more importantly, why make toys of them?
None of the species we have conquered reported ever making contact with the Humans. But why – other than the wrong color – do they have toys of Hythunlims?
They also have toys of aliens I have never encountered. Could these Humans have made contact with aliens we know nothing about? Is it possible these creatures came from another dimension the Humans have been able to break through?
I was about to find a secluded spot and transport back, but then I found actual aliens walking among the Humans, and the Humans weren’t surprised!
I’m unsure of what my offense was, but as you can see, as I imaged the second alien it threatened me. I tried to get away, but the security forces were notified.
Before I could be taken into custody, I activated my transport. I know it is a violation of my orders to transport before Humans (I will await your judgment) but I feared for my safety and thought it important to return with my shocking news. These Humans are far more advanced than we were lead to believe. Conquering them will be more difficult than we imagined.
That is my report.
Your most humble servant, Asodifn
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